Your Family Should Have a Show

One families stories in all their disfunctional glory


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The Skipper and Gilligan

So it’s summer time again and that means days spent at the beach. Here on the North Shore of the Commonwealth we have some of the most beautiful white sand beaches. Coast Guard on Cape Cod, Good Harbor in Gloucester, Cranes Beach in Ipswich, just to name a few. The Sdyor family won’t be at any of those beaches this year because of traffic, outrageous parking fees, and Greenhead flies.

What we will be doing is walking along the less trodden coastline looking for sea glass, the true jewels of the sea. My wife Ann collects the tide and sand worn treasures in giant glass jars and they decorate every windowsill in the house. Regretfully, sea glass rarely shows up on the pristine beaches of America.
So while you are basking on the black sand beaches of Maui, the purple sand beaches of Monterey, and the white sand beaches of Ft. Lauderdale, we will be walking along the dark gray beaches of local harbors that have been trash dumps since the Pilgrims settled in Plymouth. Don’t get me wrong, we have a lot of fun. We enjoy the water and waves, we picnic, and sometimes we play beach games.
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Ann: “What is wrong with you? You just cut my leg with that shell.”
Kire: “I didn’t mean to hit you with it. I was trying to throw it in front of you and you walked into it.”
Ann: “I appreciate that but in no way, shape, or form will that soften my retaliation. I could get gangrene and lose my leg. Who knows what kind of viruses those shells carry.”
Kire: “I think you’re being a little dramatic. Put the big rock down.”
Ann: “Come closer. I don’t want to miss.”
Kire: “Hey, you almost broke my foot with that! I threw a tiny shell at you and you chuck a big rock at me?”
Ann: “See, you admit you threw the shell at me! Besides, I just threw a rock at random. You walked into it. That’s what I’ll say at the trial. They’ll ask what we were doing and I’ll say I was skipping rocks and you just walked right into it.”
Kire: “No jury is going to believe you were trying to skip a rock that big.”
Ann: “Hey, I never said I was an expert at it.”
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